cranky pixels

Sometimes I hate the weekend, and I will tell you why: because it is followed by Monday morning. Ha, you say from your office chair. You’re a stay-home mom; what do you have to complain about on a Monday morning? And then I poke you in the eye.

No, but here’s how my morning has gone so far.

6:30 am: wake for the umpteenth time to nurse the baby (teething, remember? Sleep all fractured? Surely you could not forget) back to sleep. As soon as he drifts off, he clamps down hard. New teeth, as it turns out? Very sharp. Must pry miniature jaws off of boob while maintaining precious infant sleep.
6:45 am: Not So’s alarm goes off.
6:52 am: Not So’s snoozed alarm goes off.
6:59 am: Again.
7:06 am: This time I am just awake enough to think of coffee. Doing so makes me remember that the kitchen is a mess from dinner last night. This leads me to remember all the other things that did not get done over the weekend, i.e. anything housework-related, including (but not limited to) vacuuming, cleaning the bathrooms, taking out the garbage, doing the dishes and changing the diaper champ. Am consumed with dread. Also dreadful: the smell coming from the diaper area of my fitfully sleeping infant.
7:20am: Not So whisks him off to be changed. I gratefully snooze for approximately 3.5 seconds.
7:25 am: Baby’s awake. Not So leaves for work. I try in vain to convince Happy Fun Baby that sleep is a thing we should be doing. He grins toothily and eats my hair.
7:45 am: Fine. I’m up. My head feels like it is stuffed with cotton and I can’t quite feel my tongue, but I’m up. I fuzzily decide to move the mattress over to the corner where we’ve been talking about moving it for, oh, a month or so. This entails moving a bookshelf and cleaning up the pile of blank greeting cards (…don’t ask) and various desk-related swag that got dumped in the corner when we were emptying boxes. Oh, and apparently mattresses are not easy to move. You’d think, mattress, how hard can it be? I am here to tell you: it is hard. If I were smart, I would have waited until I had someone to help me. I am not smart. Also? I had not yet had any coffee.
8:15 am: Put yesterday’s wash in dryer. Decide that yes, I would like a bath, now that I’m all sweaty from moving the mattress.
8:20 am: Baby, who should by all rights be playing contentedly in his nursery, begins to scream. My reassurances (“I’m right here, Boo! It’s okay!”) are ignored. Hastily shave legs. Will have to wash hair later. Clean hair = highly overrated.
8:30 am: Downstairs. Kitchen is, in fact, a mess. Also a mess: everything else. I put Happy Fun Baby in the play yard (more screaming!) and clean living room, which involves getting all the crumbs off the futon, sweeping, and mopping. While the floor dries I empty the clean dishes out of the dishwasher and put dirty ones in. This clears a miniscule sliver of countertop and enables me to make some coffee and cereal.
9:25 am: Finally sit down to have some breakfast.

I had a job once where I had to keep track of my workday in a similar manner to the above (a ludicrous waste of everyone’s time, but that’s kiss-ass middle management for you) and I would just like to point out: I never had that much to do on a Monday morning. Or any other morning, for that matter.

I need a nap.

technorati tags:so tired OMG, cleaning, housework, sahm, bah

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By now your baby is probably sleeping about 11 to 12 hours at night and napping twice a day for an hour and a half to two hours at a time.

Establishing healthy sleep habits: 9 to 12 months

Babies going through the sometimes painful teething process can be plagued by crankiness and loss of appetite, as well as bouts of wailing and gum gnashing. But, says sleep expert Jodi Mindell, it may just be a coincidence if your baby starts having trouble sleeping right as his new choppers are coming in. How so? Between 6 and 10 months — the age most infants cut their first teeth — babies are making huge strides in their cognitive and physical development. As they learn new skills such as sitting, crawling, and rolling over, babies get excited and can find it hard to take a break from practicing long enough to get a good night’s rest.

Teething: Your baby’s sleepless nights

Some people believe that babies who co-sleep with their parents are more independent, more outgoing, and more confident as children. As adults, they have higher self-esteem, better stress-management skills, and are more comfortable with intimacy than adults who slept alone as babies. However sleeping arrangements on their own cannot make your baby into a particular type of person.

The pros and cons of co-sleeping

Comfort your baby to sleep. Rock him and lie down with him until you see that his face is motionless and he’s in deep sleep. You can also try moving his afternoon nap to an earlier time and making it shorter. Stick with your bedtime ritual and to be firm about going to sleep. Let your child know that when it’s bedtime, it’s bedtime. If it helps, try setting an alarm clock to go off about five minutes before it’s time to go to sleep – that way the mandate is coming from an external source, not you. If he wakes in the night, be flexible. Don’t let your baby cry it out; instead, try to find the source of his wakefulness (such as a full nappy, hunger, upset routines during the day, a stuffy nose, or even irritating pyjamas). Increase his daytime attachment to you (breastfeeding, wearing him in a sling, and so on and let dad play the role of nighttime co-comforter so both parents can help the baby fall back to sleep.

Establishing good sleep habits: nine to 12 months

Teething is always uncomfortable, but some babies and toddlers feel more miserable than others. Episodes begin around four months of age and occur at intervals until age two or later. Babies are usually cranky or tearful, drool profusely, and feel a need to press their gums or bite down hard on toys. Sometimes a teething baby refuses to eat or nurse. The stress and discomfort of teething can lower a child’s resistance to infection. Runny noses, rashes on the chin, spitting up of swallowed saliva, or mild diarrhea can occur without infection—but fever and symptoms of actual illness are not “just teething.” Any illness needs attention of its own. Homeopathic remedies are a safe, non-toxic way to help relieve the pain and make the baby happier.

Teething

technorati tags:teething, baby, sleep, cosleeping, so tired OMG

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When we woke up this morning, the clock said it was 11:50am. It wasn’t (the clock had gotten unplugged during the night and apparently wanted to mess with our heads out of revenge), but the whole day has seemed off because of it. For example, when we took our Saturday walk past Tulip’s Bakery, I decided to get a sausage roll. Because of Charlie and Lola, you see.

As it turns out, sausage rolls only sound good when they’re being discussed by cute animated British children (although, as far as sausage rolls go, the ones from Tulip’s are practically world-renowned; Not So was not unhappy to finish mine as well as his own). I had to take a detour past Starbucks so I could have some breakfast. You may not know this about me, but skipping my breakfast is a very, very bad idea. You know what happens when you feed a mogwai after midnight? A similar thing happens to me when I fail to get my breakfast.

After our Starbucks adventure, we headed over to the St. Johns bridge 75th anniversary celebration. Sound familiar? This is probably the third St. Johns bridge 75th anniversary celebration they’ve had this year. I say more power to them. 75 years is a long time. When I turn 75, I intend to celebrate the shit out of it. I will be all about the partying at 75. Not So will only be 73, so he will be snubbed for his youth and inexperience. Wait until you’re 75, I will say to him. You’ll understand.

On the way home we passed a cute little shop called LilyToad that just opened near the John Street Cafe, and my heart did a little pitter-pattery dance. New and used baby clothes! Gently used gear! Baby shoes! I love the baby shoes. Does our child need more shoes? Who cares! Because, look:

(The color in this picture is off – those are red, not pink. Race car red. Zoom!)

Now we’re home and I have homework, which I am going to do in lieu of consuming large amounts of candy. Because I am virtuous. Or something.

technorati tags:st. johns, lilytoad, bridge, shoes, sausage rolls

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I finally got a Swiffer Wet Jet.

Hmm…I don’t think that picture fully conveys my feelings about the Wet Jet. Let’s try another:

The floors are now clean and shiny and I no longer feel like a failure as a housewife. At least not today.

technorati tags:swiffer

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The baby = still teething. I don’t even think the word “tired” still applies to me. What comes after tired and before dead?

Since the first thing to go is the mind, I was looking around for online grocery shopping lists, because clearly the thing I need is more technology. Gadgets will save me! Besides, when has the internet ever let me down?

I did not find anything resembling a useful internet-based grocery list keeper (…stupid internet), but let me tell you what I did find:

1. A spooftastic article about Joss Whedon’s grocery list. I would watch that show. Just sayin’.
2. Backpack! I’ve been avoiding Backpack and its ilk for what seems like forever but was more likely a couple of months. Now I wonder why. Backpack is like crack for people like me, who like to have everything organized just so and get inane satisfaction out of ticky boxes. In creating my to-do list, I may or may not have added items I’ve already completed just so I could check them off and relegate them to the “done” section. I admit nothing. (Oh and if you sign up using the above link, I get points. Or something. Also I will feel very popular.)
3. A really cool stock photo site called Lucky Oliver, which, yes, I realize has nothing to do with lists but whatever. It uses circus classifications! Circus! I wonder if one of them is “freak,” because then I would have something to aspire to.

So for those of you keeping track: Internet – 3, Grocery List – 0. Or something like that. So apparently I have to keep my damn grocery list myself. How not Web 2.0 is that?

Now I go on a quest for more caffeine. Later: my adventures with Portland Mamas Inc. Also, I got a Swiffer Wet Jet! ::dances::

technorati tags:backpack, Lucky Oliver, Joss Whedon, shopping, lists

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Sweet NetNewsWire Lite, you do love me. I just ran across this post by Office Zealot in which she explains the differences between commonly confused words, and was happy to read this:

You say that something is different from something else, not different than.

Quirky Words

Amen, sister. I’ve been telling people that for years, but does anyone listen? They do not.

The only pair that’s always been muddy in my head is the biweekly/semi-weekly thing. It seems like it should be the opposite, doesn’t it? And it could be argued that I persistently and stubbornly misuse lie vs. lay, but I admit nothing.

technorati tags:words, spelling, grammar

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I meant to post yesterday, or possibly the day before. I might have said something pithy having to do with parenthood, or amusing having to do with current events, or profound having to do with web design. I might have, but I didn’t, and do you know why? Because I haven’t had anything resembling a full night’s sleep since July.

However I did do some other things, which include (in no particular order):

• The Salmon Nation Block Party, for which we were somewhat early (see above re: not sleeping) and at which we did not stay long because there was a coffee-spilling incident with involved Not So’s white shirt (and, surprisingly, did not involve the baby, at least not this time).
• Target, at which a baby gate was procured. Unfortunately this also involved breaking my record of No Blow-Outs While Out and About. It was tragic, really. And messy. If you saw a woman grimly rushing toward the restrooms and then emerging with a shirtless baby (it was that bad) – that was me!
• Sip & Krantz, which has the best play area ever AND is all snooty and minimalist. It’s like they designed it just for me! And for all you know, they did.
  
• Worked on logo designs for a jewelry designer and an HR consultant (separately, although HR jewelry consulting? Highly underrated)
• Did school stuff, because school stuff needed to be done
• Did not update several other blogs, even though I meant to
• Laundered a great deal (see above re: blow-outs)

Notice that nowhere on that list is “Catch up on my sleep.” That is because Happy Fun Baby is cutting not one, not two, not three…you know where this is going. FIVE TEETH. I can see them all poking through his gums to varying degrees. Apparently this is rather uncomfortable for him, because there has been much screaming and crying and kvetching. The only thing that seems to help is letting him chew on his Robeez. Yes, that’s my kid, chewing on his shoe. When he’s not chewing on footwear he’s demanding to be held. On the upside he’s begun saying “Mama” quite clearly, although apparently by “Mama” he means “I hate everything oh my god you people suck.” He also says “Gey,” by which he means “Kitty.” I think I am getting the short end of the stick.

I also started and then threw aside in disgust two books: Get Your Body Back: Lose Weight, Gain Energy, and Get Fit After Having Your Baby by Anita Weil Bell and Sleeping Through the Night, Revised Edition by Jodi A. Mindell. Both seemed like such a good idea at the library, and both managed to irritate me before I was more than two chapters in. The sleep book started out on a sour note: one of the listed impediments to sleeping through the night was cosleeping. Guess I should have checked that before bringing it home. The weight-loss book took a little longer to grate on my nerves, but finally lost my interest when the author suggested that demanding more help from your husband was merely a symptom of rampaging hormones and too much junk food. (I’m paraphrasing.) Also that some women hang on to as much as 20 pounds of baby weight. Yeah, fuck you too. My 40 pounds of jiggling cellulite didn’t want to be in your club anyway.

We are dieting, Not So and I, although in more of a “changing our diet to include actual fruits and vegetables and excluding things like cake” sense than any calorie-counting hoo-ha. Yes, I just said hoo-ha. Deal with it. It’s Day 3 and I don’t actually miss sugar the way I thought I would, although I am SO HUNGRY I COULD EAT A HORSE OMG. I want potatoes, and chicken, and things involving cheese. I clearly have psychological issues, because I have consumed (and am continuing to consume) an adequate amount of food. But.

So that’s how it is in the Cranky household: no sleep, no treats, and no pants. Ha! I kid. It’s only the baby who isn’t wearing pants.

technorati tags:diet, Target, sip & krantz, pregnancy weight, cranky

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