ASK ME HOW LONG I HAVE BEEN SICK. Go ahead. Ask.

THREE WEEKS.

…And counting. (I know this because I was juuuust coming down with a funny little cough when I started Health Month on the 1st. Ha ha, I thought, how funny that I should have a cough that coincides with starting Health Month! It has only gone downhill from there.)

Despite the fact that I have allergies and asthma and migraines and ovarian cysts and – need I go on? I’m almost never sick with a cold or flu for very long. I know, it’s ridiculous, but there you go. My immune system is mighty, as long as it is not confronted with pollen or tree mold.

Ever since the kid started preschool I’ve been catching more colds/flus/whatever – because, let’s face it, small children are disease factories – but I still usually only sit around feeling miserable and snuffly for a couple of days before I’m up and about again.

NOT SO THIS TIME.

This time, I’ve been so tired I can barely get out of bed, coughing so much my ribs hurt, and having to suck on my inhaler two or three times a day just so I can breathe. This time, my lungs make noises typically reserved for malfunctioning engines. This time, every time I start to think I’m getting better has ushered in YET ANOTHER round of the sort of coughing that has strangers asking me (from a safe distance) if I’m going to be all right. So this has been…interesting, if by interesting you mean purgatorial and annoying and vaguely infuriating.

I am getting better, of course – the rocky Kathleen Turner voice has been replaced by my normal valley-girl chirp, and the cold air from the snowpocalypse-that-wasn’t didn’t make me feel like I was trying to breathe underwater. SO. YAY.

But I will still be VERY glad when I can make it through a whole day without needing a nap.

You know what’s more satisfying than shouting at your laptop while Private Practice plays on Hulu? Venting about the ridiculous characterizations on the internet.
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The entire concept behind Health Month is pretty excellent: make changes to your patterns and habits by making it into a game. You get to set rules and then win points every day for following them. You earn fruit, and if your Life Points get too low, you can replenish them (or someone else’s) by using your fruit. And then at the end of the month, if you’ve followed all your rules, you get a FourSquare badge.

I probably don’t have to tell you how intensely I covet the FourSquare badge.

Health Month was created by Buster Benson, the same guy behind the fantastic 750 Words, a site that encourages daily writing by creating challenges and giving badges as rewards. Health Month is a similar setup, only with lots more options. You can totally customize your goals – anything from “Sleep More” to “Exercise Daily” to “Avoid High Fructose Corn Syrup.” There’s even a wheel you can spin to add to the random aspect: sometimes you get extra points, but occasionally you lose points. It’s all part of the fun!

Since I’m just starting out, this month’s rules are pretty basic: take a multivitamin every day (easy) and only allow myself added sugar 3 days per week (…not so easy). The idea is to make incremental changes rather than major lifestyle overhauls.

And, two weeks in, it seems to be working. Despite the fact that I crave cake like no one’s business, I am kicking ass at Health Month.

That said, next month I plan to really bump it up. It should be pretty fun to watch, so if you have any interest in making any changes to your habits or diet or whatever, you should sign up for next month too! Make sure you add me as a friend so we can keep track of each other’s progress, or throw fruit at each other, or whatever.

My WakeMate came in the mail yesterday.* What is a WakeMate, you ask? Well. It’s this thing, you see, and you wear it while you sleep, and in the morning you can see exactly how restful your sleep actually was. Also it keeps track of your sleep patterns and the idea is that it can tailor your wake-up time to your sleep cycle so you wake up feeling all chipper and refreshed.

Also, it’s very stylish and I think I will wear it during the day as an accessory.

(I kid.)

I was super excited to try it out since I wake up every morning feeling like I got run over by a truck. Sleep is supposed to be restful, right? I mean, I’m not a morning person under the best of circumstances, but between Not So’s insomnia and the kid leaping into bed with me every morning to snuggle (have I mentioned just how many elbows and knees he has?) I feel like I’m trying to sleep on an amusement park ride.

Anyway, so. I’ve tried tracking my sleep using things like YawnLog, but it’s hard to be objective about things like sleep. I’m pretty sure, for example, that the nights when I’m like I totally didn’t sleep AT ALL I probably did sleep, some. Maybe.

But the WakeMate will answer the question once and for all.

(Have I mentioned how much I love gadgets?)

I set up the app on my iPhone, which was pretty easy.

There was a certain amount of turning things on and off (and having to go to a specific page on the WakeMate site for instructions, since the little card that came with the device was somewhat exceptionally vague – probably because there are different instructions for each gadget you can sync it with) but once I got it all charged up and discovered on my phone’s Bluetooth I was ready to go.

Then I just had to, you know, sleep.

Here’s where I’d start talking about how my night went, but it would be a lot easier for you to just, you know, look at the chart:

Yes. In fact, I slept like crap. Sure, I was in bed for 8 hours and change, but it took me 23 minutes to fall asleep! And I woke up 24 times in the night! No wonder I feel like a zombie.

The device itself was remarkably unobtrusive. I barely noticed the wristband while I slept and there were no incidents of me yanking it off and throwing it across the room (which was a thing that happened to my retainer in high school, about which I apparently harbored extreme ill will).

I can’t wait to find out how I do tonight.

*Do I seriously have to mention every time I post about a product that I don’t do sponsored posts? Seriously. People do not give me things. And if they did, trust me, I would state that upfront.